The Bottom

There's a girl out there in the world between the ages of maybe 17 and 22 and she says to someone, "I really look forward to motherhood and/or marriage". Why is it that the initial response to this statement is a frown, a rebuttal, a judgment, an opinionated statement no one even asked for?

I ask this because I was that girl way before I turned 17 and yes I have made mistakes as we all do in life, and yet I'm not 20 with 3 kids on welfare, I'm getting a college degree, I have aspirations and goals, I work hard sometimes too hard to the point where I become exhausted, stressed, and overwhelmed. But hey I also think it would bring my life great fulfillment to have become a mother and a wife. 

I have theories to what the root of my, let's say, "more mature" anticipations is. My life experiences often left me in positions where I felt the most intense feeling of loneliness...yeah I had friends, and family, people who tried to understand and attempted to be there, but it wasn't enough, at least it never felt like enough. But anyway because I grew up without my mother I automatically associated that with my purpose being to be a mother (weird way to draw a conclusion, I know). So that along with other things and my passion for love and finding those people to give all of my love to also kind of brought me to that space in my thoughts that motherhood and even being a wife would be probably  the most fulfilling experience of my life.

I just recently watched an interview that J. Cole did on the Angie Martinez radio show (,which I might blog about in more detail later,) and he basically spoke about how this mindset, we as a society share, of every man for himself and work work work, money money money, hustle hustle hustle, "I'm gonna shit on you if I have to, to get to the top", mindset is poison. Possessions and material wealth are not what's important. 

What's important is love, relationships, family, marriage, friendships....things that will still remain even when all the material is gone. It's the way I've felt since I was young. I just always made those things the most important. Those were the things I worried about, those are still the things that keep me up at night more than anything. Having a family, trying to mend broken family as best you can, finding the person you may potentially want to marry and enjoying the fuck out of them, that's the most fulfilling thing you can ever do for yourself. It leaves you happier in the long run and even healthier, if and when you're in healthy situations of course. The interview really resonated with me because for years I've always felt like I was the only one. I understood that people were different, but it was always so frustrating just watching people, an even still to this day, go about life as if real love and healthy relationships with everyone is not as important as being successful and wealthy and having material things. It gross almost...human beings do evil and malicious things for self progression. Of course I understand that everyone wants to get ahead in life, but what happened to ethics? What happened to treating people how you want be treated? Shit! What the fuck happened to having morals and standing up for what you believe in when someone has crossed the line? But I don't know...that money shit is poison and it sucks because everyone needs it.

Back to my point, I don't see the harm in little girls looking forward to the wonders of life that come with womanhood. Remember when little girls had their weddings planned by 5 and people thought it was adorable. It's like seeing a princess when you're a little girl and you want to be her. Our grandparents and before them especially would be barefoot and pregnant with kid two by 21 maybe even sooner and that was the norm. But now of course society has changed and there is a chance to be more than just barefoot and pregnant...you can be a doctor, a nurse, a lawyer, a manger in retail, a bank teller, a government employee, any damn thing now. Yay! Awesome! But maybe did you consider that I don't want to. Please don't get me wrong, I am not the one to have in the house all day cleaning, cooking, baking, and popping out babies. I don't knock women who love it, however I need a little bit of a life outside of my house and housewife shit ain't for me.

I think because the views of marriage and pregnancy have altered so much over time and there has been a significant amount of young people having children, when your parents or aunts or uncles hear their little girl say that she looks forward to that, that it automatically means she's going to be 17 in the streets bussin' it wide open and poppin' out a few babies. Smh

I wish we would stop teaching out kids that work is the most important thing, that happiness really shouldn't be a factor when it comes down to you eating. And I understand, but there is just so much more to life. Don't teach your children that family is wrong, that love is wrong. Encourage working but also show them that love is very much a necessity of life.

xo, Kennie