Born Under Water

I haven't been touched since the day he left A few have tried but the tips of their fingers pass right through me As if I'm not even there Invisible or an apparition Blending into my surroundings Because I turn down the noise In fear of Being louder than they all expect I can't seem to feel anything  Besides the growing disappointment With deep roots planted in my loins,  It's limbs outstretched  Covering all signs of pleasure with  It's thick black cloud of smoke, Rolling in like tsunami waves  But in you came like the strongest Gust of wind With your heart reaching towards the heavens Not even the darkness and depth of the oceans in which I reside Could make you flinch or bat your eyes You subdued me even before letting your hands graze my soft Yet neglected body You pierce through my soul As you analyze all the unkept desires Hidden behind Eyes too loud  To hold secrets But quiet enough  To go unnoticed 

Even the most of watchful eyes has failed to notice The evidence, so obvious to see. Look as her smile beams at the sight of you And her eyes light up with joy. You have awoken an animal deep inside. I crave for more, but you insist that time run along more. As I see her mouth the words I love across the room I cannot help but to giggle inside. Her heart whole now filled up with you. I watch her try to contain the excitement, Even as it pours to the ground. How is it that she can’t see me? As you walk past I can’t help myself but to sniff the air. The scent of my nectar still clings to the fabric of your clothes. Stalking you across the room like a starving animal… My hunger is yet to be satisfied. But she… She wraps you every so tightly around her soft dainty finger. She walks miles around your heart in the shoes I’ve always asked for. When all you’ve let me do is try them on. Every desire you’ve dreamt has seen reality at the hands of me

Lay under the smoke Lit by the dark blue night sky Faded under love

I like to lay in the warmth of your chest While you stroke my hair and plant soft kisses On me. The one time of day my mind can rest Is at night with dreams of hearing, misses attached To the front of my name. In the morning, peace soon comes to an end, Tortured by your face at every hour, Stomach flutters, heart begins to transcend Normal human strength to superpower. In a world so big, how is it that you Are the only thing that exists to me? Inside you, I’ve grown so for you I’d do Anything, give all of myself to be The last girl you lay with for the first time. The last whose mountain you will ever climb.

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My soul is aching. How can you smile? Did you cut the cord without communicating with me. Is there another love of yours stealing away your heart? But it couldn't be. Days pass and still you return. And the distance is grand but still I feel pressure in my chest from the tug on cords still connected.  How can you be okay without a love so true? So true you already denounced the hope of opening your heart to anyone who isn't me. How do you promise to love me forever and yet your turn around and offer to care for me conditionally? Conditions and restrictions. Rules to follow. Boundaries to respect. The right to make requests is no longer a right.  Appreciation has turned in a longing fed by time rather than starved by it. Pain is full while the heart still hungers for resolve. How is this happening? This is cruel. Why are you smiling? How can you stand there upright? I'm barely hanging on. The world as o knew it no longer exists.  Monsters are real

I look into the mirror to see how I look and it's your face and your eyes staring back at me. I open my mouth to speak my truth, but it's your voice that escaped instead of mine. Initial recognition takes time as I look upon abstract portraits. Abnormal shapes, strange lines, and forms until I realize the person I'm looking into, is me. The person I strongly dislike is me. The catalyst to this storm is me.  The devil that comes to steal joy when light shines too bright is me. There are thoughts and feelings and opinions that I own. The very essence of my sun is crying to break free. Searching spiritedly for the safe space or the confidence to be unapologetic and bold, whichever comes first or maybe the a combination of the two. Remnants of the higher self can be spotted trailing a shadow. To blanket that which is exposed and vulnerable with  a giant orb dancing through space and time. Relief is short lived as the image staring back at me, again