Born Under Water

My soul is aching. How can you smile? Did you cut the cord without communicating with me. Is there another love of yours stealing away your heart? But it couldn't be. Days pass and still you return. And the distance is grand but still I feel pressure in my chest from the tug on cords still connected.  How can you be okay without a love so true? So true you already denounced the hope of opening your heart to anyone who isn't me. How do you promise to love me forever and yet your turn around and offer to care for me conditionally? Conditions and restrictions. Rules to follow. Boundaries to respect. The right to make requests is no longer a right.  Appreciation has turned in a longing fed by time rather than starved by it. Pain is full while the heart still hungers for resolve. How is this happening? This is cruel. Why are you smiling? How can you stand there upright? I'm barely hanging on. The world as o knew it no longer exists.  Monsters are real

I look into the mirror to see how I look and it's your face and your eyes staring back at me. I open my mouth to speak my truth, but it's your voice that escaped instead of mine. Initial recognition takes time as I look upon abstract portraits. Abnormal shapes, strange lines, and forms until I realize the person I'm looking into, is me. The person I strongly dislike is me. The catalyst to this storm is me.  The devil that comes to steal joy when light shines too bright is me. There are thoughts and feelings and opinions that I own. The very essence of my sun is crying to break free. Searching spiritedly for the safe space or the confidence to be unapologetic and bold, whichever comes first or maybe the a combination of the two. Remnants of the higher self can be spotted trailing a shadow. To blanket that which is exposed and vulnerable with  a giant orb dancing through space and time. Relief is short lived as the image staring back at me, again