DISCLAIMER: So I'm posting a story I started and didn't finish. I want to come back to the story but in a different way so that's why I'm putting it on my blog. Feedback is welcome and much appreciated. And maybe this will turn into something I do regularly.
Chapter 1
It had been the worst day of my life. My ex boyfriend had just broken up with me the night before and here he was plastered all over my TV. I just wanted to hide in the darkest cave I could find, but no, I was stuck in front of the tv staring at his face.. As I laid in my bed wiping away the leftover mascara residue from the night before I heard lyrics to a song I didn’t quite recognize but the voice was all too familiar. My blood red eyes shot up at the TV in shock. I thought I was stuck inside of some sick, twisted dream.
Justthe night before he had come over for what I thought to be a romantic evening, I had even cooked him a large meal, macaroni and cheese, corn bread, collard greens, grilled steaks topped with shrimp and my special parmesan sauce. We had finished eating dinner and went to the couch to relax, maybe watch a movie. I thought that everything was fine. I always thought that everything was fine. I never saw it coming. We sat on the couch in awkward silence. I could always tell when his mind was drifting to other places. He kept attempting to reassure me that everything was okay, but I knew his mind wasn’t there with me that night. After 20 minutes of my annoying pleads, he finally managed to blurt out the words, “I can’t do this any more”. The pain from those words hit me like a ton of bricks. “Had it been me?” “Was there someone else?” Over and over I replayed his last words to myself in silence. I was in such an intense daze, I hadn’t noticed that I crammed myself into far corner on the opposite side of the couch. I began to press myself into the couch. I just couldn’t seem to get far enough away from him.
Noticing my attempt to escape him, he did the worst thing he could ever do to me in that moment. He came close to me, invading my personal space he grabbed my chin so that he could position my eyes to look into his. The hands that once felt warm and comforting all of sudden felt cold and foreign and it happened so fast.
“Look at me”, he said. “ I love you and I will always love you for as long as there is breath in my body. But I can’t love you the way you need me to right now .” Before I could even open my mouth to respond to his words that wounded me even deeper, he kissed me gently on my forehead and then he stood up to leave. I couldn’t even beg him to stay because deep down I knew that he may have been right so all I managed to do was grab his hand and squeeze as tightly as I could manage. He tried to walk away again and instead of allowing him to reject my broken heart once more, I let go and he went for the door.
As I came back down to reality, I rummaged through the mess of blankets on my bed for the remote. It was life or death and I felt like I would literally die if I did not get that man’s voice out of my ears. After what seemed like an eternity I found the remote to shut off the TV and then tossed it into oblivion again. I didn’t bother to look at the clock or check my phone so I had no idea the time, but I assumed it was just the early hours of the morning because the birds were chirping, but it was still quite dark outside. It might have been about 6 am. The darkness reminded me of how lonely I really was at this point in my life. I couldn’t swallow the large pill that he had just served me. “How could he just up and leave when we were so in love?” My life with him felt like the fairytale I was always told didn’t exist. It just didn’t make any sense to me. I didn’t understand was life was supposed to make sense to me from that point on.
I must have cried myself to sleep because I awoke hours later to the sound of my phone ringing. “Shit’, I said as I searched the bed for my cell phone. “I thought I put that piece of shit phone on silent already”! I looked at my clock to see that it was 2 o’clock in the afternoon. “Shit”, I said aloud. I was supposed to meet my friend Donavan for lunch. He was an actor and busy filming movies, it wasn’t often that he would come into New York, especially not to visit me. Realizing I was late for our lunch date, I figured that it must have been Donavan who was calling me to make sure I was still coming.
“Hello. Hey Donnie I know I’m late please don’t hate me”, I answered. He could tell from the sound of my voice that something was off. I tried to sound relaxed but my tone wasn’t authentic, there was a hint of sadness behind it. I didn’t want him to worry so instead of telling him about the break up I just told him that I had gotten really drunk the night before and I was suffering from the worst hangover ever.
“Damn Cori, I really wanted to see you. I’m only in town for two days until I have to fly back to LA to start shooting on this movie”.
“I know Donovan, I just feel like shit….how about this? Give me half an hour and I’ll come over. I’ll even supply lunch. Just give me a little bit of time to get myself together.”
“Wouldn’t you just rather me come to you since you don’t feel good”, he responded in a confused tone.
“No that’s okay my place looks a hot ass mess and I could use the fresh air. Just give me half an hour, forty-five minutes at the most. I promise. Alright? I’ll text you when I’m almost outside”.
I don’t know how I did it, but I managed to get dressed and make up my face in 20 minutes. My head was pounding from many hours of crying, but thankfully the swelling in my eyes had went down.
During the cab ride to Donovan’s apartment I couldn’t help but notice the number of couples walking down the street hand in hand. It was as if I was watching one of those cheesy commercial that uses slow motion and couples who look extremely happy for no reason just to sell products that aren’t even related to the theme of the ad. All of them seemed to be having the time of their live with their partner just leaving the grocery store, walking to the park, or grabbing a bite to eat. I had walked down this block numerous times a week and I had never noticed how many couples were out and about before. Maybe I had noticed, but it wasn’t something out of the ordinary because I was just like them. So in love that I was happy just to be able to look at his face everyday, just to have him right next to me everyday.
Tears began to well up in my eyes at the thought of my happiness literally walking out of my front door last night. Not wanting to attract the attention of my cab driver, I squeezed my eyes shut as tight as I can, hoping that would be enough to return my tears from where they once came from.
The remaining ten minutes of the ride to Donovan’s house, I spent listening to trap music with my eyes closed. I probably looked so peaceful as if I was meditating to classical music or the sound of the ocean. But in that moment the only thing that could take my mind off of being alone and feeling incomplete was Bobby Shmurda’s “Bobby Bitch”.
Donovan must have been looking out for my arrival because he was there to open the door before my cab even came to a complete stop. The look he gave me as he walked past me to pay my cab fare was a concerned one. He had the look of sadness in his eyes that a person gets when their loved one is hurting really badly, but there isn’t much they can do to take that hurt away.
He embraced me in what felt like the warmest hug I had ever had once the cab driver pulled off and without a word, he grabbed me by the hand and led me through his front door. We walked up the short flight of stairs that went to a private elevator and rode to the fifth floor in complete silence. He would pull me in for a hug or kiss my forehead every few seconds, but it wasn’t until we were inside of his amazingly spacious living room that he said his first words to me.
“I know what happened last night Cori”. My eyes shot up at him in surprise.” How in the hell did he know? I haven’t spoken to anyone and I know my ex didn’t so how could he possibly have known? ”
“What are you talking about Donnie? I told you I got fucking plastered last night.”
“Don’t lie to me Cori. I know Chris and I run in different entertainment circles, but will still have plenty of mutual friends. Why wouldn’t you just tell me what happened. I would have came over to cheer you up or at least just to keep you company. Why lie?”
I thought about lying to Donovan again just because I didn’t want to actually talk about it. Thinking about the break up, watching it replay over and over again in my mind was bad enough. To actually talk about it, to hear my own voice say that Chris and I were no longer together would confirm everything as reality when I was still trying to wake myself up from that horrible dream, but Donovan was my best friend and as much as I wanted to hide, I needed to feel comfort more than anything.
“I don’t know Donnie. I really didn’t want to bring it up and I really don’t want to talk about it now, to be honest. Who told you?”
“It doesn’t matter who told me Cori, the point is that you didn’t. Are you okay? I mean I know you’re not, but like…just talk to me. I come in to town for two days after not seeing you for eight months and this is what I come back to. I’m worried about you love”.
“Just tell me who told you. Please ! It just happened last night. How did it get back to you.” I was worried that word about our break up had already started to get out. Granted it had gotten out to another famous person, but that didn’t mean the media wouldn’t get a hold of the story soon.
He could tell I was getting impatient with him because my behavior became more and more irate. In an attempt to calm my overreaction, Donovan took me took me to sit down in the living room. We walked down a short hallway and turned into the big open spit he called his living room. We walked down a short flight of stairs and sat down on his immaculately clean white leather couch.
“Dammit Cori! If you must know, I ran into them after I landed early this morning. I guess it was on business because he had the whole entourage with him. I went to speak to him, but he was acting kind of funny. I figured it was nothing, but then that’s when one of his boys mentioned to me how the two of you had just broken up not even an hour before”.
It was then that our break-up was confirmed in my head. I wanted to believe that this was just irrational reaction to Chris’s stress and that he would be calling me soon to apologize and make up. A tear began to form in the corner of my right eye. I turned my face away from Donovan, embarrassed that I couldn’t contain my emotions. My emotions were typically hard to read, even if we were close, but the sadness just kept pouring out of me no matter how hard I fought it. Sensing my growing distress, Donovan pulled me into him, laying my head to rest on his chest. Suddenly the tears started to come down my face harder, eventually turning into uncontrollable sobs. It was such a safe feeling resting my head on Donovan’s chest while he held me closely. I was so close, I could feel the beating of his heart. I’m not sure why, but it was soothing for me. I got lost in the beats, leaving my mind blank and then the tears stopped.
Chris was always nice to Donovan out of respect for me, but it took numerous arguments and a lot of begging just to get that out of him. Chris wasn’t a fan of Donovan because he wasn’t the only famous guy in my life and he always thought that Donovan “was trying to steal his girl from under his nose.” [28] Of course this wasn’t true, Donovan was the most respectful guy I had ever met in my life. We met at an internship I had my junior year of college. I had the pleasure of working under the lovely celebrity stylist Morticia McBride and he happened to have a styling session scheduled on my very first day.
The thing about Donovan that made him such an awesome friend was that he never tried to flirt with me or run the usual game that guys do when there is an attractive girl within two feet of him. I worked with him again about four or five times during my internship with Morticia. Each time he made it a point to come and talk to me and each time we would both get more and more comfortable with each other. It felt as if I was having a conversation with someone I had known for years. We talked about our family, our friends, our love lives, and he would even tell me about work. Not just the flashy, interesting stories that actors tell in interviews, but he would tell me how he would struggle to find motivation for certain characters, how in the beginning of his career he would doubt his craft and wonder if he had made a mistake trying to make acting a career. Our talks would end up outside of the style studio after three months of friendship. He was constantly busy with work, but whenever he was in town, he made sure to visit. Even if we had a quick lunch date for half an hour before he had to go back to being Donovan Jackson, the actor, he always kept in touch.
There was once Christmas break when I wasn’t able to make it home, but the school wouldn’t allow me to stay on campus. Donovan took me to his mother’s house where she and the rest of his aunts had prepared one of the tastiest meals I ever had in my life. His family didn’t make me feel weird or out of place. There were no side eyes or snide comments about the “regular” girl being invited to dinner. That was when I first realized that Donavan really trusted me. He let me in to his private world, one that actors try to keep society and the outside world away from as much as possible. Not only was it easy for me to confide in him, but he found it easy to do the same with me. It was nice to have him around, a man that valued you as well as your presence, but you didn’t feel any pressure around him because you both were just friends.
Chris came into my life before Donovan did and he wasn’t famous when we met either. Don’t get me wrong, Chris was well known, his music had a large following, and he did have a decent roster of celebrity contacts. However he hadn’t hit his big break yet. We met one night when I was out at a bar. I usually wouldn’t entertain a guy that I had met in a bar, but Chris had the sweetest voice and the most genuine eyes. Instead of getting turned off or annoyed when he first opened his mouth to speak, I was interested I everything he had to say. He grabbed my attention instead of me grabbing his and maybe that’s what made that initial attraction so strong.
I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that my boyfriend of the last four years had decided to end it with me after all that we had been through. Chris and I practically grew up with each other. We were both damaged souls seeking refuge in the arms of someone kind, understanding, and dedicated. We had that special bond for a long time, but obviously something went wrong for Chris. I honestly had convinced myself that he was the one I would call my husband. I dedicated the first few years of my twenties to him and now I was left with nothing. Just last week we were talking taking a quick vacation and the next island we should visit and here I was sitting on my best friend’s couch trying not to fall apart.
I stared into Donnie’s eyes looking for answers, looking for strength, looking for something that was going to make everything right. I just wanted this to be fixed. “How could I look forward to anything now?” It seems trivial now, but in that moment it felt as if life for me had just ended. I then laid my head in his lap and wrapped my arms around his waist. I squeezed him tight as if he could come any closer than he already was. I held on to him tightly in fear that he would get up at any moment. It didn’t matter to me if he was only getting up to get a drink or to use the bathroom. I was so hurt that I couldn’t even bare the thought of being left alone to sit in the midst of my own misery and it was as if he could hear these very thoughts that were racing through my mind because he then laid a hand my back and began to rub me reassuringly. He leaned down and with his lips just barely touching my ear, he whispered, “I’m not going anywhere baby girl. Just relax”.
He sat there with me in his lap, rubbing my back until I dozed off. It wasn’t really a deep sleep, but I was relaxing finally and he didn’t want to disturb how peaceful I seemed. After a half an hour on the couch, I awoke to soft forehead kisses and tickling. If there was one thing I absolutely hated, it was being tickled and Donovan knew this.
“Donnie what are you doing? Stop,” I said in a groggy, but assertive tone. “Why are you doing that”?
He looked at me with a devilish grin and responded with a slight laugh, “I’m sorry. I really didn’t want to wake you cuz you looked so peaceful, but I’m hungry. Where this lunch you were supposed to be taking care of?” I rolled my eyes, slightly annoyed by him waking me up. I was happy he did though. I would have regretted sleeping while we were supposed to be spending quality time together. I couldn’t remember the last time Donovan actually had time to hang out with me and in his own apartment. Usually when he came New York, he would just invite me to whatever club he would be at, that night.
“You’re such a jerk Donnie, but it’s fine. I’m kinda hungry too. The last time I ate was some time yesterday…I can’t really remember when.” We both erupted into a brief chuckle before Donovan helped me off the couch and led me into the kitchen. I had went next door to my apartment favorite Italian restaurant “What did you get me?”, Donovan asked in a teasing manner.
“I got you food”, I responded teasing him back. Laughing, I told him, “It’s a surprise. You’re going to like it so just open the bag”.
He opened the take-out bag, removing the two large plastic cartons with our pasta and a small bag that contained the freshest smelling garlic bread. The aroma seemed to fill the whole apartment.
“Which one is mine,” asked Donovan. I pointed the plastic container closest to him and he went to take a seat on the breakfast stool placed at his kitchen island. He removed the top with such excitement. I giggled to myself. Watching Donovan eat was like watching a kid let loose in a candy store. He didn’t speak for ten minutes, just sat there and inhaled his food. I was so mesmerized watching him, I hadn’t realized that he was actually finished. I wondered why he ate so fast. “Had it been that long since he’s had a decent meal?” Just as I was about to comment on his rushed eating, he looked up so that our eyes met. He took a quick drink from a water bottle that was sitting on the counter top of the island and then he took a deep breath as if he was preparing himself to give a speech.
“So what’s the plan now Cori?” He looked at me, awaiting my response. “I mean you built your life around this guy and he’s gone so back to reality. What now?”
I didn’t understand why he was asking me that question. He knew how bad I was hurting. It just didn’t make sense to push the issue and it was making me a little upset with Donovan, but he would not give up unless I gave him an answer and it’d seemed better to get the conversation out of the way.
“I don’t know what happens now Donnie. I’m gonna be sad for a little while maybe for a long time. I never saw me and Chris coming to an end so I really don’t know what to do.” I knew that answer wouldn’t be good enough for Donovan, but I didn’t know what else to say. It was the truth. I really had designed the rest of my life around him, never factoring in that we may break up one day.
Donovan looked at me with sadness and disappointment in his eyes. “I just want you to be happy Cori. You’ve been one of my best friends for three years now and I’ve come to care for you deeply. It kills me seeing you so stressed out and hurt especially cuz I’m not here to really check up on things and make sure you doing good.” His voice trailed off as if he was at a loss for words. It was rare for Donovan to get emotional with me. He was a protective friend and he loved to make his friends laugh, but I couldn’t remember seeing him emotional before then. “Dammit,” he finally said after a few moments of collecting his thoughts. “I’m not even tryin to get all mushy with you, I just need to be sure that you’re okay. It already bothers me that you’re already out here without anybody to really look out for you.”
Giving him a reassuring smile, I replied, “Donnie you don’t need to worry about me. You do enough as is and you have your own life to worry about. Seriously. I’m gonna be good. So please let’s change the subject and do some fun shit. We don’t want to ruin the WHOLE visit do we?” I thought Donovan was going to laugh with me or at least crack a smile. Instead he did the complete opposite. His energy seemed to get even more serious and I wasn’t sure why. There was something else on Donovan’s mind that he wasn’t saying directly and it worried me because I wasn’t sure if that meant he knew something that I didn’t. Without taking his eyes off of mine, Donovan stood up from the stool he was sitting on and made his way around the island. Slowly, he walked toward me, still with his eyes locked on mine with such intensity.
I sat there in confusion but I did not move and I didn’t say a word. I continued to look hold his gaze as I waited for him to make his way in my personal space or speak, whichever one came first. He didn’t say a word even after he reached me. After moments of silence, I began to feel slightly insecure and a bit embarrassed. Donovan had always been a handsome man and women were never shy about letting him know, but he had been my best friend. It was just weird for me to see him as the sex symbol he was. He never made me nervous or self-conscious, but in that moment with him so close to me and staring at me with such intensity. I started to feel something strange. I could have been that I was just vulnerable and in the moment, but I wasn’t quite sure. My eyes started to wander around the room. Escaping his gaze, I settled on the looking at the floor instead.
Donovan was a on a roll that day. Reading my mind, he grabbed my chin so that he could position my eyes back on his. In the most gentle tone, he finally began to speak, “You’ve been through a lot and you do a lot for everybody. It’s time for someone to do for you and not just a gift or a favor or something. You need someone to take care of you for real”.
“Donovan…I—“
He removed his hand off of my face, putting his finger up to his lip to motion for me to stop talking. “I’m really not done saying what it is that I have to say to you and this is some heavy shit so don’t talk. Just listen.
Chapter 1
It had been the worst day of my life. My ex boyfriend had just broken up with me the night before and here he was plastered all over my TV. I just wanted to hide in the darkest cave I could find, but no, I was stuck in front of the tv staring at his face.. As I laid in my bed wiping away the leftover mascara residue from the night before I heard lyrics to a song I didn’t quite recognize but the voice was all too familiar. My blood red eyes shot up at the TV in shock. I thought I was stuck inside of some sick, twisted dream.
Justthe night before he had come over for what I thought to be a romantic evening, I had even cooked him a large meal, macaroni and cheese, corn bread, collard greens, grilled steaks topped with shrimp and my special parmesan sauce. We had finished eating dinner and went to the couch to relax, maybe watch a movie. I thought that everything was fine. I always thought that everything was fine. I never saw it coming. We sat on the couch in awkward silence. I could always tell when his mind was drifting to other places. He kept attempting to reassure me that everything was okay, but I knew his mind wasn’t there with me that night. After 20 minutes of my annoying pleads, he finally managed to blurt out the words, “I can’t do this any more”. The pain from those words hit me like a ton of bricks. “Had it been me?” “Was there someone else?” Over and over I replayed his last words to myself in silence. I was in such an intense daze, I hadn’t noticed that I crammed myself into far corner on the opposite side of the couch. I began to press myself into the couch. I just couldn’t seem to get far enough away from him.
Noticing my attempt to escape him, he did the worst thing he could ever do to me in that moment. He came close to me, invading my personal space he grabbed my chin so that he could position my eyes to look into his. The hands that once felt warm and comforting all of sudden felt cold and foreign and it happened so fast.
“Look at me”, he said. “ I love you and I will always love you for as long as there is breath in my body. But I can’t love you the way you need me to right now .” Before I could even open my mouth to respond to his words that wounded me even deeper, he kissed me gently on my forehead and then he stood up to leave. I couldn’t even beg him to stay because deep down I knew that he may have been right so all I managed to do was grab his hand and squeeze as tightly as I could manage. He tried to walk away again and instead of allowing him to reject my broken heart once more, I let go and he went for the door.
As I came back down to reality, I rummaged through the mess of blankets on my bed for the remote. It was life or death and I felt like I would literally die if I did not get that man’s voice out of my ears. After what seemed like an eternity I found the remote to shut off the TV and then tossed it into oblivion again. I didn’t bother to look at the clock or check my phone so I had no idea the time, but I assumed it was just the early hours of the morning because the birds were chirping, but it was still quite dark outside. It might have been about 6 am. The darkness reminded me of how lonely I really was at this point in my life. I couldn’t swallow the large pill that he had just served me. “How could he just up and leave when we were so in love?” My life with him felt like the fairytale I was always told didn’t exist. It just didn’t make any sense to me. I didn’t understand was life was supposed to make sense to me from that point on.
I must have cried myself to sleep because I awoke hours later to the sound of my phone ringing. “Shit’, I said as I searched the bed for my cell phone. “I thought I put that piece of shit phone on silent already”! I looked at my clock to see that it was 2 o’clock in the afternoon. “Shit”, I said aloud. I was supposed to meet my friend Donavan for lunch. He was an actor and busy filming movies, it wasn’t often that he would come into New York, especially not to visit me. Realizing I was late for our lunch date, I figured that it must have been Donavan who was calling me to make sure I was still coming.
“Hello. Hey Donnie I know I’m late please don’t hate me”, I answered. He could tell from the sound of my voice that something was off. I tried to sound relaxed but my tone wasn’t authentic, there was a hint of sadness behind it. I didn’t want him to worry so instead of telling him about the break up I just told him that I had gotten really drunk the night before and I was suffering from the worst hangover ever.
“Damn Cori, I really wanted to see you. I’m only in town for two days until I have to fly back to LA to start shooting on this movie”.
“I know Donovan, I just feel like shit….how about this? Give me half an hour and I’ll come over. I’ll even supply lunch. Just give me a little bit of time to get myself together.”
“Wouldn’t you just rather me come to you since you don’t feel good”, he responded in a confused tone.
“No that’s okay my place looks a hot ass mess and I could use the fresh air. Just give me half an hour, forty-five minutes at the most. I promise. Alright? I’ll text you when I’m almost outside”.
I don’t know how I did it, but I managed to get dressed and make up my face in 20 minutes. My head was pounding from many hours of crying, but thankfully the swelling in my eyes had went down.
During the cab ride to Donovan’s apartment I couldn’t help but notice the number of couples walking down the street hand in hand. It was as if I was watching one of those cheesy commercial that uses slow motion and couples who look extremely happy for no reason just to sell products that aren’t even related to the theme of the ad. All of them seemed to be having the time of their live with their partner just leaving the grocery store, walking to the park, or grabbing a bite to eat. I had walked down this block numerous times a week and I had never noticed how many couples were out and about before. Maybe I had noticed, but it wasn’t something out of the ordinary because I was just like them. So in love that I was happy just to be able to look at his face everyday, just to have him right next to me everyday.
Tears began to well up in my eyes at the thought of my happiness literally walking out of my front door last night. Not wanting to attract the attention of my cab driver, I squeezed my eyes shut as tight as I can, hoping that would be enough to return my tears from where they once came from.
The remaining ten minutes of the ride to Donovan’s house, I spent listening to trap music with my eyes closed. I probably looked so peaceful as if I was meditating to classical music or the sound of the ocean. But in that moment the only thing that could take my mind off of being alone and feeling incomplete was Bobby Shmurda’s “Bobby Bitch”.
Donovan must have been looking out for my arrival because he was there to open the door before my cab even came to a complete stop. The look he gave me as he walked past me to pay my cab fare was a concerned one. He had the look of sadness in his eyes that a person gets when their loved one is hurting really badly, but there isn’t much they can do to take that hurt away.
He embraced me in what felt like the warmest hug I had ever had once the cab driver pulled off and without a word, he grabbed me by the hand and led me through his front door. We walked up the short flight of stairs that went to a private elevator and rode to the fifth floor in complete silence. He would pull me in for a hug or kiss my forehead every few seconds, but it wasn’t until we were inside of his amazingly spacious living room that he said his first words to me.
“I know what happened last night Cori”. My eyes shot up at him in surprise.” How in the hell did he know? I haven’t spoken to anyone and I know my ex didn’t so how could he possibly have known? ”
“What are you talking about Donnie? I told you I got fucking plastered last night.”
“Don’t lie to me Cori. I know Chris and I run in different entertainment circles, but will still have plenty of mutual friends. Why wouldn’t you just tell me what happened. I would have came over to cheer you up or at least just to keep you company. Why lie?”
I thought about lying to Donovan again just because I didn’t want to actually talk about it. Thinking about the break up, watching it replay over and over again in my mind was bad enough. To actually talk about it, to hear my own voice say that Chris and I were no longer together would confirm everything as reality when I was still trying to wake myself up from that horrible dream, but Donovan was my best friend and as much as I wanted to hide, I needed to feel comfort more than anything.
“I don’t know Donnie. I really didn’t want to bring it up and I really don’t want to talk about it now, to be honest. Who told you?”
“It doesn’t matter who told me Cori, the point is that you didn’t. Are you okay? I mean I know you’re not, but like…just talk to me. I come in to town for two days after not seeing you for eight months and this is what I come back to. I’m worried about you love”.
“Just tell me who told you. Please ! It just happened last night. How did it get back to you.” I was worried that word about our break up had already started to get out. Granted it had gotten out to another famous person, but that didn’t mean the media wouldn’t get a hold of the story soon.
He could tell I was getting impatient with him because my behavior became more and more irate. In an attempt to calm my overreaction, Donovan took me took me to sit down in the living room. We walked down a short hallway and turned into the big open spit he called his living room. We walked down a short flight of stairs and sat down on his immaculately clean white leather couch.
“Dammit Cori! If you must know, I ran into them after I landed early this morning. I guess it was on business because he had the whole entourage with him. I went to speak to him, but he was acting kind of funny. I figured it was nothing, but then that’s when one of his boys mentioned to me how the two of you had just broken up not even an hour before”.
It was then that our break-up was confirmed in my head. I wanted to believe that this was just irrational reaction to Chris’s stress and that he would be calling me soon to apologize and make up. A tear began to form in the corner of my right eye. I turned my face away from Donovan, embarrassed that I couldn’t contain my emotions. My emotions were typically hard to read, even if we were close, but the sadness just kept pouring out of me no matter how hard I fought it. Sensing my growing distress, Donovan pulled me into him, laying my head to rest on his chest. Suddenly the tears started to come down my face harder, eventually turning into uncontrollable sobs. It was such a safe feeling resting my head on Donovan’s chest while he held me closely. I was so close, I could feel the beating of his heart. I’m not sure why, but it was soothing for me. I got lost in the beats, leaving my mind blank and then the tears stopped.
Chris was always nice to Donovan out of respect for me, but it took numerous arguments and a lot of begging just to get that out of him. Chris wasn’t a fan of Donovan because he wasn’t the only famous guy in my life and he always thought that Donovan “was trying to steal his girl from under his nose.” [28] Of course this wasn’t true, Donovan was the most respectful guy I had ever met in my life. We met at an internship I had my junior year of college. I had the pleasure of working under the lovely celebrity stylist Morticia McBride and he happened to have a styling session scheduled on my very first day.
The thing about Donovan that made him such an awesome friend was that he never tried to flirt with me or run the usual game that guys do when there is an attractive girl within two feet of him. I worked with him again about four or five times during my internship with Morticia. Each time he made it a point to come and talk to me and each time we would both get more and more comfortable with each other. It felt as if I was having a conversation with someone I had known for years. We talked about our family, our friends, our love lives, and he would even tell me about work. Not just the flashy, interesting stories that actors tell in interviews, but he would tell me how he would struggle to find motivation for certain characters, how in the beginning of his career he would doubt his craft and wonder if he had made a mistake trying to make acting a career. Our talks would end up outside of the style studio after three months of friendship. He was constantly busy with work, but whenever he was in town, he made sure to visit. Even if we had a quick lunch date for half an hour before he had to go back to being Donovan Jackson, the actor, he always kept in touch.
There was once Christmas break when I wasn’t able to make it home, but the school wouldn’t allow me to stay on campus. Donovan took me to his mother’s house where she and the rest of his aunts had prepared one of the tastiest meals I ever had in my life. His family didn’t make me feel weird or out of place. There were no side eyes or snide comments about the “regular” girl being invited to dinner. That was when I first realized that Donavan really trusted me. He let me in to his private world, one that actors try to keep society and the outside world away from as much as possible. Not only was it easy for me to confide in him, but he found it easy to do the same with me. It was nice to have him around, a man that valued you as well as your presence, but you didn’t feel any pressure around him because you both were just friends.
Chris came into my life before Donovan did and he wasn’t famous when we met either. Don’t get me wrong, Chris was well known, his music had a large following, and he did have a decent roster of celebrity contacts. However he hadn’t hit his big break yet. We met one night when I was out at a bar. I usually wouldn’t entertain a guy that I had met in a bar, but Chris had the sweetest voice and the most genuine eyes. Instead of getting turned off or annoyed when he first opened his mouth to speak, I was interested I everything he had to say. He grabbed my attention instead of me grabbing his and maybe that’s what made that initial attraction so strong.
I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that my boyfriend of the last four years had decided to end it with me after all that we had been through. Chris and I practically grew up with each other. We were both damaged souls seeking refuge in the arms of someone kind, understanding, and dedicated. We had that special bond for a long time, but obviously something went wrong for Chris. I honestly had convinced myself that he was the one I would call my husband. I dedicated the first few years of my twenties to him and now I was left with nothing. Just last week we were talking taking a quick vacation and the next island we should visit and here I was sitting on my best friend’s couch trying not to fall apart.
I stared into Donnie’s eyes looking for answers, looking for strength, looking for something that was going to make everything right. I just wanted this to be fixed. “How could I look forward to anything now?” It seems trivial now, but in that moment it felt as if life for me had just ended. I then laid my head in his lap and wrapped my arms around his waist. I squeezed him tight as if he could come any closer than he already was. I held on to him tightly in fear that he would get up at any moment. It didn’t matter to me if he was only getting up to get a drink or to use the bathroom. I was so hurt that I couldn’t even bare the thought of being left alone to sit in the midst of my own misery and it was as if he could hear these very thoughts that were racing through my mind because he then laid a hand my back and began to rub me reassuringly. He leaned down and with his lips just barely touching my ear, he whispered, “I’m not going anywhere baby girl. Just relax”.
He sat there with me in his lap, rubbing my back until I dozed off. It wasn’t really a deep sleep, but I was relaxing finally and he didn’t want to disturb how peaceful I seemed. After a half an hour on the couch, I awoke to soft forehead kisses and tickling. If there was one thing I absolutely hated, it was being tickled and Donovan knew this.
“Donnie what are you doing? Stop,” I said in a groggy, but assertive tone. “Why are you doing that”?
He looked at me with a devilish grin and responded with a slight laugh, “I’m sorry. I really didn’t want to wake you cuz you looked so peaceful, but I’m hungry. Where this lunch you were supposed to be taking care of?” I rolled my eyes, slightly annoyed by him waking me up. I was happy he did though. I would have regretted sleeping while we were supposed to be spending quality time together. I couldn’t remember the last time Donovan actually had time to hang out with me and in his own apartment. Usually when he came New York, he would just invite me to whatever club he would be at, that night.
“You’re such a jerk Donnie, but it’s fine. I’m kinda hungry too. The last time I ate was some time yesterday…I can’t really remember when.” We both erupted into a brief chuckle before Donovan helped me off the couch and led me into the kitchen. I had went next door to my apartment favorite Italian restaurant “What did you get me?”, Donovan asked in a teasing manner.
“I got you food”, I responded teasing him back. Laughing, I told him, “It’s a surprise. You’re going to like it so just open the bag”.
He opened the take-out bag, removing the two large plastic cartons with our pasta and a small bag that contained the freshest smelling garlic bread. The aroma seemed to fill the whole apartment.
“Which one is mine,” asked Donovan. I pointed the plastic container closest to him and he went to take a seat on the breakfast stool placed at his kitchen island. He removed the top with such excitement. I giggled to myself. Watching Donovan eat was like watching a kid let loose in a candy store. He didn’t speak for ten minutes, just sat there and inhaled his food. I was so mesmerized watching him, I hadn’t realized that he was actually finished. I wondered why he ate so fast. “Had it been that long since he’s had a decent meal?” Just as I was about to comment on his rushed eating, he looked up so that our eyes met. He took a quick drink from a water bottle that was sitting on the counter top of the island and then he took a deep breath as if he was preparing himself to give a speech.
“So what’s the plan now Cori?” He looked at me, awaiting my response. “I mean you built your life around this guy and he’s gone so back to reality. What now?”
I didn’t understand why he was asking me that question. He knew how bad I was hurting. It just didn’t make sense to push the issue and it was making me a little upset with Donovan, but he would not give up unless I gave him an answer and it’d seemed better to get the conversation out of the way.
“I don’t know what happens now Donnie. I’m gonna be sad for a little while maybe for a long time. I never saw me and Chris coming to an end so I really don’t know what to do.” I knew that answer wouldn’t be good enough for Donovan, but I didn’t know what else to say. It was the truth. I really had designed the rest of my life around him, never factoring in that we may break up one day.
Donovan looked at me with sadness and disappointment in his eyes. “I just want you to be happy Cori. You’ve been one of my best friends for three years now and I’ve come to care for you deeply. It kills me seeing you so stressed out and hurt especially cuz I’m not here to really check up on things and make sure you doing good.” His voice trailed off as if he was at a loss for words. It was rare for Donovan to get emotional with me. He was a protective friend and he loved to make his friends laugh, but I couldn’t remember seeing him emotional before then. “Dammit,” he finally said after a few moments of collecting his thoughts. “I’m not even tryin to get all mushy with you, I just need to be sure that you’re okay. It already bothers me that you’re already out here without anybody to really look out for you.”
Giving him a reassuring smile, I replied, “Donnie you don’t need to worry about me. You do enough as is and you have your own life to worry about. Seriously. I’m gonna be good. So please let’s change the subject and do some fun shit. We don’t want to ruin the WHOLE visit do we?” I thought Donovan was going to laugh with me or at least crack a smile. Instead he did the complete opposite. His energy seemed to get even more serious and I wasn’t sure why. There was something else on Donovan’s mind that he wasn’t saying directly and it worried me because I wasn’t sure if that meant he knew something that I didn’t. Without taking his eyes off of mine, Donovan stood up from the stool he was sitting on and made his way around the island. Slowly, he walked toward me, still with his eyes locked on mine with such intensity.
I sat there in confusion but I did not move and I didn’t say a word. I continued to look hold his gaze as I waited for him to make his way in my personal space or speak, whichever one came first. He didn’t say a word even after he reached me. After moments of silence, I began to feel slightly insecure and a bit embarrassed. Donovan had always been a handsome man and women were never shy about letting him know, but he had been my best friend. It was just weird for me to see him as the sex symbol he was. He never made me nervous or self-conscious, but in that moment with him so close to me and staring at me with such intensity. I started to feel something strange. I could have been that I was just vulnerable and in the moment, but I wasn’t quite sure. My eyes started to wander around the room. Escaping his gaze, I settled on the looking at the floor instead.
Donovan was a on a roll that day. Reading my mind, he grabbed my chin so that he could position my eyes back on his. In the most gentle tone, he finally began to speak, “You’ve been through a lot and you do a lot for everybody. It’s time for someone to do for you and not just a gift or a favor or something. You need someone to take care of you for real”.
“Donovan…I—“
He removed his hand off of my face, putting his finger up to his lip to motion for me to stop talking. “I’m really not done saying what it is that I have to say to you and this is some heavy shit so don’t talk. Just listen.
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